Few phenomena on the spectrum of human behavior give the me the willies the way that the “Church of all things i” does.appleparthenon

Last night, the cult of Jobs had their long-awaited “revealing” of their new iPhone 6, along with their spiffy new iWatches and iPay system. For me, watching the new CEO take the stage and try to do his predecessor justice in his performance of the “reveal” was like sitting in on some religious ritual to which I have no personal empathy towards, an outsider marveling at both the ritual itself, and how the media busily dissects the unraveling story of how the Church of Jobs is adapting to it’s new high priest.

You see, the “reveal” is really the pinnacle of religious experience for the devout iWorshipper. It is the moment where years of anticipation and leaked reports and teasers finally culminate in the rapturous unveiling of the latest piece of iDolatry, which the iWorshippers wholly believe will instantly jobsstatuechange their individual lives, and society at large, for the absolute better. Jobs, the founder and one True Prophet of the Church of i, was of course the master of the reveal, and this being the first true reveal to occur since his departure the iRealms beyond, makes for it being a very pivotal moment in the history of iFaith. The iFollowers must be able to put full confidence in Jobs’ apprentice, and this seems to have now been more or less accomplished, thanks the life-altering features of the iPhone 6’s larger screen, slimmer width, longer-lasting battery, and overall “most beautiful design ever”… Truly, the iFlock has much to rejoice about.

But wait iBrothers and iSisters, that’s not all… Jobs the Father has bequeathed to us the promise of the iWatch, to be released in January of next year, which will sync with all your other iDevices and make your iLife that much more iComplete.

Beyond this, we have the soul-electrifying development of Appleanity’s new payment system. (Which the iLords would’ve probably called iPay, if it -didn’t appear as though some other, obviously non-iDevout company hadn’t already copyrighted that divinely-inspired iName.)applehead

illelujah, sing iPraises to the iFather, and the iSon, and the iSpirit, for bringing us, the iMasses, that much closer to the ultimate, and final, REVEAL, the revelation of the iMessiah….


19 thoughts on “iWorship…”

    1. Good one Sandy! It is weird though all the ‘I’ stuff. Isreal, Iphones, Isis.
      I have had Christmas on my mind a lot wondering if something is amok this year with it.

      1. Hi D. You said; “I have had Christmas on my mind a lot wondering if something is amok this year with it”.
        Maybe that’s because TOMORROW, 9/11, is ACTUALLY Jesus’ birthday! (Christmas)

        1. Read this.http://www.wnd.com/2013/08/was-jesus-born-sept-11-3-b-c/
          Also there’s book called “The Star That Astonished The World”. It traces back to the time when the star of Bethlehem appeared.
          It is VERY possible that 9/11 was indeed Jesus’ date of birth. We KNOW it wasn’t 12/25.
          I think TPTB KNEW this, and turned it into a day of mourning and SADNESS in defiance of Jesus. MOCKERY!

          1. I thought of that too, but Israel is only 8 hours AHEAD of the time in NYC. The buildings were struck around 9:00 am. So it would have been 5:00 pm on 9/11 when the buildings were hit.

        2. Just in case; Happy Birthday, JESUS. We love you and thank you for coming down to our level to rescue us. We SURELY couldn’t save ourselves.

  1. Very clever article, Truth. It came to me a few years back that the Apple logo is indicative of when Eve, then Adam, gave the world to satan when they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. I also believe that Yeshua was born on Sept 11 which means He was conceived some time in December (maybe the 25th?)

  2. I think JESUS may have been born in the fall (sept/oct) as the shepherds were still out at night with their flocks.
    As to the symbolism of 9/11 adding it you get 11 which is the ‘Age of Aquarius”.
    If you look at the symbol of Aquarius and connect the lines you get WWW. Try it.
    I know it stands for world wide web, but it is also like a “FLOOD” of information.

    Just thinking here….if JESUS was born on 9/11 or close there and this event was meant to desecrate HIS name, than surely the conception date (dec 25) would be greater–

  3. Wow! That is WAY cool! From “zero” to 4 times in one day, and Skiba putting an exclamation point on the end. That’s CRAZY!
    Yes, I am very familiar with Rob Skiba. I have some of his books and I listen to to him occasionally. He sometimes has some interesting things to say and ideas. Did he ever get “SEED” launched?

    1. Yeah, I think it’s a good idea and theme for a show, but, like you, I’m kinda leerie about going the “Hoolywood” route. I’d hate for him to “sellout”; if you know what I mean?

        1. One thing that has REALLY surprised me about Skiba, that is WAY different NOW than they were a few years ago. That is “ISRAEL” and the Jews. I think some lights are coming on for him and PTL for that!

        2. I think my favorite by Rob Skiba would have to be “The Mt.Hermon/Roswell Connection”. Have you seen it?

          And….have you read any of David Flynn’s work?

  4. HILARIOUS!!! And yet….whats up with all the ‘movement’ and exercise and ENERGY??? Is the iwatch a conduit of energy transference? Check out this video from Caprica (the prequel to Battlestar Gallactica) Ug forget it. They pulled it and the only other version is one to pay for. Anyways look up Caprica. In the last scene they meld machine with skin and wala they have their daughter back (or what’s left of her consciousness).

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