Tag Archives: breathing

“Where’d you go…?”

I have been asked this many times over the last month or so, and it is admittedly my own fault.  I had some technical problems with the old blog.  Then I just shut it down.  Then I moved it.  Then I just, stopped.  It turned into an unanticipated yet much-needed break.  Not so much because writing itself is so “exhausting” or anything, but, I suppose because of the nature of the “research” I tend to gravitate towards, the truth is that it really does tend to over-saturate your thinking after a while, to the point where you almost don’t even remember how to have a “regular” conversation with people anymore, or just enjoy the simplest of life’s pleasures, or even enjoying and appreciating the company of my own family…

There have been certain days during this impromptu hiatus where I was honestly a tad depressed, feeling like all this attention and commentary and such on how the world at large is spinning out of control, is really just largely inconsequential anyhow.  Like, when you just completely stop writing, reading, thinking about it, just completely unplug, maybe you start to wonder how much of all that activity was just a way of trying to cope with a myriad of things which are all outside of our ability to do anything about it anyhow.  Some slightly over-inflated sense of one’s own involvement in it all.  It’s a weird world, a strange society in which we all live, where billions of us are now constantly posting things, tweeting things, sharing things, ad nauseam, as if we all believe our insights on things are really oh so profound…

I am not necessarily attempting to defend these kinds of sentiments now, but I suppose I’m just giving a little window into the kind of cynicism which can quite unexpectedly wash over my perspective from time to time.

And so, it seems that this question of where lies the fine line between a truly cynical, defeatist perspective, and an outlook on things which is genuinely just trying to be a courageously honest, discerning, and Biblically-sound one, is a question that most likely myself (and many others) will never be able to fully shake ourselves free from. Balance, after all, is something one must constantly keep consciously striving for, in order to maintain it.

So, yeah… I didn’t go anywhere. Still here. And so is the crazy stuff on this crazy, spinning orb. I actually like not having my days being filled with questions over what exactly is going on with the Walmarts and Jade Helm, etc., or whether or not CERN is some kind of interdimensional portal to the nether world, or whether the recent shooter in S.C. was another MK Ultra-esque tool of the Elite’s agenda. It all keeps on unfolding according to the same “script” anyhow, whether I’m frantically trying to keep up with every little development or not. Right?

I got a few books from the library the other day. Actual, paper-bound books. Has it really been so long since I read something where I had to turn a physical page? Bizarre… I have been pushing myself to start drawing/painting again as well (as opposed to just manipulating things via photoshop…) There is something almost indescribably pleasing to the internal, primal need for creation about the act of making marks on paper with one’s bare hands. But it does require a bit more effort and patience of course, and as such I am finding that it helps pull one’s psyche back away from the frantic/scrambled neural habits formed by hours of computer usage. Back towards what I think I would defend as a much more intended way of functioning as humans, with the ability to reflect and focus on something for a longer period of time, even if that thing isn’t terribly impressive or complex in and of itself. Even painting a wall or a room a single color can be surprisingly satisfying I have found, because you did it with your own hands, and the entire experience involved no RGB light assaulting your retinas…

desertmountains

Anyhow. The picture above is one I did a couple of afternoons ago, inspired by the desert slopes of Sunrise Mountain, the view of which fills our front window.

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