Tag Archives: Hello Barbie

Big Sister is Watching You…?

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Say hello to “Hello Barbie“, the world’s first fully interactive, Wi-Fi enabled doll. Not surprising that “privacy advocates” are up-in-arms over the fact that Mattel’s new release is equipped with a microphone which captures your children’s conversations and questions, pinging them back to the corporate “cloud” where servers process the information and send responses back to “Hello Barbie” to speak in response to your enamored child. Of course, reactions such as the found here on theverge.com only go so far as to be concerned about your basic “meta-data gathering”, as if the worst thing to ponder is simply another way that companies can track consumer data to give them an “unfair marketing advantage”.

I’d say they’ve already figured out that you’re probably in the market for female-geared children’s toys by the fact that you bought a Barbie doll in the first place. A doll with a microphone, installed voice-recognition software, and constant Wi-Fi connection (assuming it it’s batteries aren’t completely taken out) allows for oh so much more fun times for the creepy/pervy ears of the panopticon which are capable of dipping into EVERYTHING that makes it’s way into the nebulous “cloud”…bigbrotherbarbie

As if there wasn’t already enough reasons to hate Barbie, with her long-reviled standards of anorexic beauty, but now she’s really gone too far, whoring out her platinum-blonde coiffure to the domestic surveillance agenda. But hey, let’s not be too hasty in our condemnation. Perhaps the watchmen on the cyber-walls are simply hoping to catch some new terror-cell by matching the ringleader’s voiceprint, as his daughter plays blissfully in the corner. Who knows, maybe the next line of pedophile’s-dream Barbie could include a secret compartment hiding a tiny canister of tear gas, which could be deployed at just the right moment once the Feds have the terrorists surrounded.

Or maybe they should hold off, and put that particular upgrade in the “I-Can-See-You-In-Infrared Barbie”…

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